


Aftermath

by Elivra



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 09:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15627330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: Levi and Hange weren't talking. She hadn't screamed at him in days. Levi couldn't remember the last time he called her 'Four-eyes’.A (very) small glimpse into the grieving process of these characters, post the battle at Shiganshina. Written for the 2nd Anniversary of Chapter 84.





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> So I know I have a Wip to update. Sorry guys, I've been swamped with work and with preparations for the upcoming eruriweek! So yeah, I *have* been writing, you'll just have to wait a little more until I can publish it.
> 
> This fic is mostly plotless, and came into being in my head in a cab ride. I wrote this simply for myself, because I didn't want to let go of the words and ideas that had popped in my head. Imagine my shock when I found out it's been exactly two years. I mean, what timing, amirite? I then decided that it was essential that I do publish this, in memoriam, if you will.
> 
> So there has been little to no editing on this one, because I didn't plan on publishing it when I wrote it anyway. Apologies for errors and any rambling/disconnected sentences.
> 
> Rated for swearing.

Levi and Hange weren't talking.

Technically, they were. They had to, being two of the nine survivors of the battle at Shiganshina. They had to talk to the Queen, talk to the brats, talk to other important members of government, plan, explain, discuss, proceed, move along.

But they hardly spoke to each other. Hange in her new role was disconcerting. She was quieter, firmer with her words, her actions. She spoke of the battle almost as emotionlessly as Levi did. He admired her for it, resented her for it. She made it look so easy.

She hadn't screamed at him in days. Levi couldn't remember the last time he called her 'Four-eyes’.

The latest in a series of meetings was to take place in a quarter of an hour. It was important, where they had to plan their strategy and the timeline to get rid of the remaining Titans in Wall Maria so the people could begin resettling there.

And so there they were, soldiers and merchants and priests alike, all waiting for the Queen to arrive.

Levi sat next to Hange, arms crossed on his chest, eyes focused on the whorls of the grainy wood of the table. Hange was just barely participating in the conversation that included several others around the table. When the talk turned, as it inevitably seemed to do these days, to the 'brave fallen’, Hange stopped speaking altogether.

“... Such a noble sacrifice,” one of the merchants was saying solemnly. “We must think of a way to honour them.”

“What better way than to complete their mission- repopulate and _truly_ reclaim Wall Maria?” Levi shot up a quick glance to see who the speaker was. _Ah_. Of course, it was Flegel Reeves. He thought, unexpectedly, that the man Dimo would have been proud of his son. Then he frowned, focusing on the table again. Since when had he been so… sentimental?

“Aye, you speak the truth there.” Levi recognised this voice, it was the mayor of Trost. “But we must think of a way to memorialize them. Their sacrifice cannot be forgotten. What say you, Commanders?”

Levi looked up just in time to see Nile flinch. The man had barely spoken two words to him and even now, refused to look at him. Hange, forced into the conversation, simply nodded, but ventured no more.

“It is as Reeves said,” one of the merchants said, drawing attention towards him. “We must honour them by our actions. I'm sure they're looking down at us even now, watching from heaven, perhaps.” Levi felt his fists curl, felt his teeth grit. The merchant continued to approving murmurs, “I’m sure wherever they are, they have attained the peace and happiness that they deserve. The good gifts of our goddesses keep them safe and content-”

Levi stood up abruptly, the loud screech of his chair silencing everyone. Without a word, he turned around and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him with a bang.

He kept his eyes focused on the stone floor and away from the windows as he strode away, his fists still clenched, his jaw still tight.

He heard the door open behind him with another bang, heard hurried footsteps.

“Levi!” Habit almost kept him walking, but he forced himself to stop. He couldn't ignore her now the way he used to.

She caught up to him quickly enough. “What the hell was that?” She snapped, and Levi was surprised to see she looked pissed.

“What?”

“The way you left! It was highly insolent and incredibly tactless of you.”

The fury pricking under his skin threatened to spill over. “ _I_ was tactless?”

Hange huffed and nodded. “It doesn't matter what they were saying. They meant well, and they were speaking of _them_ , and you leaving in the middle of that makes you look rude and unfeeling!”

Levi scoffed, crossing his arms again. “I don't care.”

“You should fucking care!” Hange hissed. “We are the face of the Survey Corps now, you and I-”

“Fine,” Levi cut in. “I won't do it again. Go back inside, I'll join you.”

“No, we're going together.”

Levi needed more goddamn time. “Tch. I'll be there soon, Hange.”

Hange narrowed her eye. “You are coming back with me _now_.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Is that an order?”

“An order?” Hange repeated with a disbelieving giggle, before her voice rose again. “Of _course_ it is! Of course it _fucking_ is an order, Levi, because _I'm_ your fucking Commander now and _you_ made it that way-”

To Levi's horror, Hange's words cut off abruptly because she was shaking too much. Tears were filling her eye, and she was beginning to hyperventilate.

“Sh-shit,” she wheezed. “Not here. Not n-now…”

Levi grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the nearest room, which turned out to be a fancy little writing room. Closing the door firmly behind her, he grasped her hand in both of this. “Breathe, Hange.” Her nails dug into his hands and she bowed her head, shoulders shaking.

“Breathe,” he repeated, stroking the back of her hand, ignoring the lump in his throat. “Slowly. In. And out. Breathe.”

And slowly, Hange did calm down. Her shaking subsided, and breathing became slower. Levi opened his mouth to ask her if she was feeling better, but never got to say it- Hange wrapped her hands around his arms in a tight hug, leaning her chin on his shoulder.

Hange had always been a physically touchy person, and Levi had lost track of the number of times he had brushed her away over the years. But now, he did nothing, just stood stock still and let her hug him; uncertain if he should hug her back, unsure how.

He didn't know why he had been refusing them all these years.

“Thank you,” Hange whispered, eventually drawing away, rubbing at her one good eye. “I don't know what came over me.”

“S’fine. You needed to let it out.”

“I guess,” Hange shrugged, smiling wanly. “You're really good at this. Experienced panic attacks before?”

Levi thought back to Isabel, to her frequent nightmares, to her sudden flashes of morbid anxiety, and felt like his hollow chest was on fire.

“Yes,” he rasped.

Hange hummed but asked for no details. Levi was grateful. He was going to suggest returning when Hange spoke again, her words taking him by surprise again.

“Do you believe in the afterlife, Levi?”

Levi stared at her. Opened his mouth once, closed it again. Opened it again, closed it again.

“Why?” He asked her, when the silence had stretched on too long.

Her eye flashed with a glint of curiosity. Somewhere within his dried, emotionless husk of a heart, Levi felt a tinge of relief that her curious spirit still wasn't extinguished. _Thank fuck._

“You just seemed really offended by their talk.”

 _Oh._ “Oh.”

A slight tilt of her head. “Don't like the idea of heaven?”

“That's not it,” he muttered, irritable once more. When she simply waited, he was forced to continue, “It's just. The idea. Of walls, up there too. They -he - _they_ fought to get outside these walls.” He finally looked up at the window, where he could see Wall Sina looming in the distance. To think the walls surrounded them in death, too…

Levi felt like retching.

Hange looked like she understood, at any rate. But they were interrupted by a soft rap on the door -a simple courtesy, for the door swung open in the next second.

“Apologies for interrupting,” Nile drawled in his annoyingly scratchy voice. “The meeting’s about to start.”

Hange pat her cheeks dry and straightened her coat. “Thank you.”

Nile nodded, looking at the floor. Levi suddenly realised that Nile had only addressed Hange, not him. Was he avoiding him? His observation was confirmed as they walked back, when Nile made an inane comment about the weather to Hange, but didn't even look at him.

He held open the door for Hange (just like _him_ with that fucking gentlemanly courtesy), but Levi held onto the open door, filled with sudden bravado now that he and Hange were on speaking terms again.

“Go ahead,” he told her. “We'll be a minute.”

Hange looked between him and Nile, nodded, and let him close the door behind her. Nile had gone stiff, the permanent frown on his face deepening, still refusing to make eye contact.

“Alright,” Levi muttered. “Get it over with.” When Nile finally looked at him, eyebrows raised, Levi said impatiently, “You've been avoiding me, Dok. Say what you need to say and get it over with. We're gonna be working closely together now, and we need to get this out of the way.”

Nile huffed and looked away. “Always so practical, are you?”

The fucking lump was back in his throat again. “I try to be.”

Nile grunted in response. He crossed his arms defensively, tapped the floor with his boot for a few seconds. Then glanced at the closed door behind him where the meeting had surely begun.

“Fine,” he snapped. “You're right, I've been avoiding you.” A pause, and then, as if it hurt him to say it, “I can't look at you.”

Levi nodded, watching him intently. “You never could.”

Nile snorted. “Yeah, well. It's different now.” Silence again; he looked like he was searching for the right words to say. “You were always with him,” he began, and Levi was on fire again, a rushing sound in his ears through which Nile's words were quite clear, “I never saw you without him. So. I can't see you now, without. Him.” A deep breath. “It needs getting used to.”

Levi felt himself nod. Heard himself say, “Is that it?”

Nile looked strangely relieved. “Yes.”

Levi nodded again. Nile spoke up, “Actually, no. Er, Marie wanted me to invite you over for lunch sometime. Whenever you feel like it.”

Levi thought of Marie Dok, of her quiet, patient manner, of the humourous glint in her eyes, the fond manner in which _he_ used to speak of her…

“I would like that, too,” Nile clarified. “You are always welcome in our home.”

Levi believed him. “Thanks. I'll let you know.” He meant it. He liked Marie.

Nile nodded. “Good.” He placed his palm on the doorknob, but paused.

“I loved him, too, you know.”

Levi believed that, too. Everyone had loved Erwin in some way or the other. He was just the type of man to inspire it in people. Everyone loved Erwin Smith… until one day, they didn't.

“I still do,” Levi said shortly, pushed open the door, and walked in.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Before you ask, no, I don't think Hange is prone to anxiety or panic attacks. I've always thought she's the most frighteningly resilient person in SnK, next to Levi. This was simply a breakdown, long overdue, I think, if she hadn't processed her grief properly.
> 
> This *could* also be taken as platonic Eruri, I suppose. My personal shipping preferences would make this definitely romantic Eruri and platonic erunile, but you're free to interpret those last few lines however you like!
> 
> Thank you for reading. Erwin Smith, you magnificent man, you will be forever missed.


End file.
